HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

• By Devin Faraci
• Published 11/27/2009
• News

With New Moon likely to make yet another metric fuckload of money this weekend we need to find the bright side to the entire Twilight mania. There must be something good that comes from this awful Mormon fantasy that seems to have invaded our culture on every front. That something is the eventual movie version of Breaking Dawn.

Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There's a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it... man, we are in for a treat.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he's super strong and she's just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.

Let's go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.

Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while fucking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!

The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shitty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.

Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it's in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron. 

In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.

Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she's about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman's terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.

I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.

The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn't want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can't stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he'll love her forever. So one day he's going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it's just being abused by insane Mormon writers.

There's more in Breaking Dawn - the Volturi come back, for one thing - but these are the main amazing events that demand this book to be turned into a film. I will not rest until I have seen a movie in which a werewolf falls in love with a baby. Hell, once I've seen a werewolf fall in love with a baby I may quit movie watching - I will have seen the ultimate culmination of a century of cinema. The entire film of Breaking Dawn would play like the weirdest exploitation film since Doris Wishman died - brutal sex, bizarre body horror, unbelievable pedophilia.

A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.






hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah världens bästa kille. jag dör av skratt. MEN jag älskar fortfarande boken och hoppas det blir en film, men jag inser nu hur jävla sjuk den filmen skulle bli!!!!


http://chud.com/articles/categories/Editorial/The-Devin%26%23039%3Bs-Advocate/?Page=4

”För ni skulle se trädgårdarna i Milano”, sade hon högt.

Men till vem?

     Ingen. Hennes ord dog bort. Som en raket dör. Dess gnistor bränner sig fram genom natten men besegras av den så att mörker faller, lägrar sig över husens och tornens konturer; töckniga bergssluttningar suddas ut och löses upp. Men fast de är borta är natten fylld av dem, berövade all färg, fönsterlösa, har de fått ökad tyngd, de avger det som det ohöljda dagsljuset inte kan förmedla – ängslan och oron hos allt som ligger där i mörkret, som söker tröst i mörkret, längtar efter den lättnad som gryningen bringar när den tvättar väggarna vita och grå, speglar sig i alla fönsterrutor, lyfter dimmorna från fälten och visar de fridfullt betande korna: allt ligger på nytt utbrett, existerar igen. Jag är ensam; jag är ensam! ropade hon, vid fontänen i Regent’s Park (och stirrade på indiern och hans kors) liksom kanske vid midnatt, när alla gränser suddas ut, landet återtar sin gamla gestalt, som romarna såg det, töckenhöljt, när de steg i land, och bergen hade inte namn och floder slingrade sig fram, vart visste de inte – sådant var hennes mörker.


- Virgina Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

91

Some glory in their birth, some in their skill,
Some in their wealth, some in their bodies' force,
Some in their garments, though new-fangled ill,
Some in their hawks and hounds, some in their horse;
And every humour hath his adjunct pleasure,
Wherein it finds a joy above the rest:
But these particulars are not my measure;
All these I better in one general best.
Thy love is better than high birth to me,
Richer than wealth, prouder than garments' cost,
Of more delight than hawks or horses be;
And having thee, of all men's pride I boast:
Wretched in this alone, that thou mayst take
All this away and me most wretched make.


-shakespeare

One day soon, the world will be filled with women in mental hospitals because of this man.

The Zachary Quinto Fetish Rehabilitation Center For Women Who Can’t Think Around Him And Wanna Learn To Like Other People Too

från sisterspock.tumblr.com

när jag såg den här bilden så stannade mitt hjärta för en sekund. fo shizzle. jag dör.

zachary quinto du dödar mig långsamt.

Damon: Stefan smiles.  Alert the media.

Elena: You haven’t given him a lot of reasons to be happy lately.

Damon: Oh, you’re right.  Poor Stefan.  Persecuted throughout eternity by his depraved brother.  Does it get tiring…being so righteous?

Elena: It flares up in the presence of psychopaths.

jag har inte riktigt bestämt mig än men jag tror att jag tror att det är meant to be för Serena och Nate. KAN vara meant to be för Jenny och Nate också men jag tror mer på Serena!

Nate: You know it took me a looong time to get over what happend with us that night. I actually, uh. Well two years ago at the masquerade ball I tried to tell you I loved you. Turns out I told Jenny Humphrey, she was wearing your mask.
Serena: You loved me?
Nate: Of course I did. Serena you are the most beautiful, amazing, alive person i’ve ever known.
Serena: … Nate.
[They both lean in to kiss]
Tripp: I hope i’m not interrupting something.

[After the money/drugs have been exchanged]
Jenny: Um, it was nice to meet you, i’m going to use the ladies room.
Damien: No no, hey sit down. Don’t go out empty handed, here [puts a pill in her hand] test the product.
Chuck: That won’t be necessary. [Takes the pill out of Jenny’s hand and throws it on the table]
Jenny: Chu-, Chuck what are you doing?
Chuck: Before I got your message I had housekeeping do an early turn down search of Damien’s room. That’s where they found his stash. I’ve had my own experience in the boat pond, i’m taking you home. You and your father have until noon to collect your luggage, after that it’s in the river.
Jenny: Chuck, you’re totally overreacting, i’m really fine.
Damien: Dude, the lady said she’s fine.
Chuck: Dude, I’m Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means.

satt och fluktade på netaporter förut och hittade flertalet saker som jag verkligen skulle vilja ha. hade jag haft pengar då jävlar!


Luella

Lover

Tory Burch



Marc by Marc Jacobs

Victor/Victrola som sagt. såg det avsnittet igår <3 och förutom att chuck och blair finally get it on för första gången så har ju blair på sig två av de typ.. topp 10 blair outfits genom hela serien (även om det är sjukt svårt att välja)

den här mintgröna marc jacobs (tror att det är marc by marc jacobs) klänningen är ju bara helt magisk. ÄLSKAR den.


<3<3<3

·                       Blair: Are those Tory Burch's last-season flats?

·                     Girl: ... I got them on sale?

·                         Blair: -glares-

Blair: Whatever you’re going through, I want to be there for you.
Chuck: We’ve talked about this. You are not my girlfriend!
Blair: But I am me, and you are you. We’re Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. The worst thing you’ve ever done, the darkest thought you’ve ever had. I will stand by you through anything.
Chuck: And why would you do that?
Blair: Because, I love you!
Chuck: … Well that’s too bad.
Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass fleeing his father’s funeral, and Blair Waldorf shedding tears for the dearly departed






det här är den bästa scenen i gossip girl någonsin. när jag bara ser bilden och läser texten får jag rysningar på hela kroppen för jag grät så himla mycket när jag såg det här första gången. det är liksom.. så jävla bra. se själva:

Chuck: Well this is the last place i’d expect to find you.
Blair: Go away Chuck! I’ve been given orders from practically god himself to avoid you.
Chuck: Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?
Blair: Sorry. But as it’s tradition on the day before my birthday i’m heading to the jewelers to put some pieces on hold for Eleanor and Na-
Chuck: Nate? Oh, I don’t think he’ll be singing happy birthday this year.
Blair: No one knows that Nate and I broke up, and it’s going to stay that way so I can fix this. And I don’t think your best friend would still be your best friend if he knew.
Chuck: If he knew how much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo?
Blair: From this moment forward the events of last night will never be mentioned again, is that clear?
Chuck: Not as clear as the memory of you purring in my ear which I have been replaying over, and over.
Blair: Well erase the tape! Because as far as i’m concerned it never happened.

jag älskar gossip girl ännu mer än vad jag någonsin gjort. säsong 3 ftw <3




Blair: You were right about the dorms. The lighting is awful.
You okay?
Chuck: I am now.


Chuck: I thought you said you were going home?
Blair: Changed my mind.
Chuck: Well if i’d known, I would have come sooner. Did you ever find Brandeis?
Blair: Yes. We’re not friends anymore.
But that’s okay, I have you. That’s all I need.

Chuck: NYU is hard, but Blair Waldorf does not give up.
Blair: I’m not giving up, i’ve made a strategic retreat.
Chuck: Potato-Potato.
Blair: You don’t understand.
Chuck: I do understand, let me help.
Blair: No, Chuck! NYU is not the Upper East Side, they don’t care about Constance or the social hierarchy. They don’t care that i’m Blair Waldorf! It’s over.
Chuck: And you’d do this to me?
Blair: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass, and I told you I love you. You’re saying i’m easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo intellectual homesick malcontents. You’d really insult me like that?
Blair: Is that how it is?
Chuck: That’s exactly how it is. So the next time you forgot you’re Blair Waldorf, remember i’m Chuck Bass, and I love you.

idag såg jag ett djurprogram om uttrar. de är alltbra tjusiga dem. som att evolutionen eller gud tänkte lite extra när de skapades. de är liksom.. bara väldans coola.

jag önskar att jag var en utter. som brottades med min brorsa, drog ut på jagarstråt på egen hand, lär oss fånga fisk, putsa pälsen. mysa. visst naturen är hård den med. men den kan omöjligt vara lika hård som det mänskliga livet. det mänskliga livet är en långsam och overkligt smärtsam tortyr som visserligen då och då avbryts av en eller annan ljusglimt. men just nu känner jag bara att jag inte orkar. för exakt allt är fel. exakt allt känns som ett skämt och jag orkar inte.

just nu skulle jag verkligen vilja vara den här killen/tjejen:

<3

saker det känns riktigt svårt att leva utan :(

wildfox/asos


gina tricot

hmm okej den här bilden på Xavier Samuel som Riley får mig att peppa jävla mkt för Eclipse redan nu (vet ni att den wrappade i veckan?!) som kommer ha premiär i juni. fatta vad underbart. väntan till nästa twilight saga blir bara drygt ett halvår PRAISE THE LORDAA!

tror att jag hittade den på David Slades twitter (herr regissör)

jag och mor såg om Alexander i afton, en film som fått oförtjänt mycket skäll och konstigt nog är det knappt någon som tycker om den förutom min familj. jag och mamma älskar den eftersom vi båda är fascinerade som attan av Alexander den store och för att vi helt enkelt inte tycker att den är dålig. Ikväll såg vi den omklippta versionen Alexander Revisited som inte var direkt omklippt utan bara längre, men det var trevligt, för det är ju fortf mycket som saknas eftersom Alexander gjorde så mycket, men trevligt med mer material. Colin är så jävla grym i huvudrollen och jag gillar verkligen filmen helt enkelt. Jag tror faktiskt att anledningen till att den inte slog så hårt är att den är lite mer komplex än många andra liknande filmer. Karaktärerna är mer komplexa och handlingen är ganska krånglig och vet man inget om Alexander innan är det ju kanske lite svårt att ta in allt för det  blir väldigt hackigt.

Which am I hephaistion, weak or divine?

[after reading a letter sent by his mother]
Alexander: It's a high ransom she charges for nine months lodging in the womb.
Hephaistion: Bring her to Babylon, Alexander. It'll give her such joy.
Alexander: Joy! I am the cracked mirror of her dreams... Stay with me tonight Hephaistion.
Hephaistion: What bothers you?
Alexander: I see in her everything I fear. Yet I have no idea what it is; this fear. She was always so sure I was born of Zeus. Why, Hephaistion?
Hephaistion: I think there are things beyond our imagining. Like the lightening. Tales of strange conceptions. I don't doubt it.
Alexander: What is being told me? What destiny do I have?
Hephaistion: Well, if I'm Patroclus, I die first. Then you, Achilles. The generals are upset. They question your obsession with Darius. They say it was never meant for you to be king of Asia.
Alexander: Naturally. They want only to return to their homes rich with gold, but I have seen the future, Hephaistion! I've seen it now a thousand times, on a thousand faces. These people want, need, change. Aristotle was wrong about them.
Hephaistion: How so?
Alexander: Look at those we've conquered. They leave their dead unburied, they smash their enemies skulls and drink them as dust, they mate in public! How can they think, or sing, or write when none can read? But as Alexander's army they could go where they never thought possible. They can soldier, or work in the cities. From the Alexandrias, from Egypt to the outer ocean. We could connect these lands, Hephaistion. And the people.
Hephaistion: Some say these Alexandrias have become extensions of Alexander himself. They draw people into the cities so as to make slaves.
Alexander: But we've freed them, Hephaistion, from the Persias, where everyone lived as slaves! To free the people of the world! Such would be beyond the glory of Achilles. Beyond Heracles! A feat to rival Prometheus, who was always a friend to man.
Hephaistion: Remember the fates of these heroes. They suffered, greatly.
Alexander: We all suffer. Your father, mine. They all came to the end of their time and in the end, when it's over, all that matters is what you've done.
Hephaistion: You once said the fear of death drives all men. Are there no other forces? Is there not love in your life, Alexander? What would you do if you ever reached the end of the world? I wonder sometimes, if it's not your mother you run from, so many years, so many miles between you, what is it you fear?
Alexander: Who knows these things? When I was a child my mother thought me divine; my father, weak. Which am I, Hephaistion? Weak or divine? All I know is I trust only you in this world. I've missed you. I need you. It is you I love, Hephaistion. No other.
Hephaistion: You still hold you head cocked like that.
Alexander: [laughing] I have to stop that.
Hephaistion: No, like a dear listening in the wind you strike me still, Alexander. You have eyes like no other. I sound as stupid as a school boy, but you're everything I care for. And by the sweet breath of Aphrodite I'm so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly.
Alexander: You'll never lose me, Hephaistion. I'll be with you always. 'Til the end.

jag har skaffat en twitter. kom på att jag inte alls tycker twitter är dumt. det passar till vissa syften. och rara emelie kom på att twitter kunde vara den perfekta kanalen för lite draghjälp när man försöker gå ner i vikt. så här är min gånerivikt-twitter:  http://twitter.com/cmonskinnylove namnet är of cörs inspirerat av bästa låten ever skinny love av Bon Iver. sug på den ni :D

pepp!

så om nåt år ser jag ut såhär :

aaa visst va!!!! se nu blir det pinzamt som fan om jag inte lyckas. så ja.. nu KÖR VI ETT TVÅ TRE! ;)

jag vill för det första ha en himmelssäng och för det andra vill jag ha en större säng. den här ser typ.. sjukt härlig ut. tänk er att klä in den i massa fint tyg (som inte drar åt sig katthår ;) ) åååå vad härligt. inte för att jag 1.har råd 2.får plats. MEN NÅÅÅN GÅNG.

från IKEA vars annars?! <3 ingvar kamprad for president!!!!